Tuesday, August 20, 2013

When You're Feeling Low

     This isn't the easiest thing to do.  I try to be an open book and answer any questions that anyone asks me.  But there are somethings that I just don't feel comfortable with.  This is one of them. For the past couple of years I've been dealing with anxiety and depression.  And because of it I've done thing to myself that I'm not proud of.  I'm not going to try and skirt around it or sugar coat it, yes I have self-harmed.  If you're reading this now and thinking "Wow I bet she just wanted the attention" then either rethink things or leave, right now.  In no way was it done because of that.  In fact I did everything I could to not have people see it.  I'm not writing this for pity or for attention, I'm writing it because I want people to know what really happens and that there are things you can do, if you're struggling, to make it easier.
    I don't think there's something that's going to work for everyone.  I'm just going to tell you what helped me.  There are days when I don't want to get out of bed or talk to anyone.  I feel pretty much like crap.  Sometimes when I'm having on of those days all I do is cry. There are some days I feel great.  I don't really know when either is going to happen.  What really matter though, is what I do, and what you can do, when you're having one of the bad days.  First of all, just try and get ready.  When I stay in my PJs or in sweats, I end up feeling worse.  But when I put on some cute clothes and make my hair look as nice as it possibly can, I feel more confident.  With that confidence, I start feeling better.  Put on your favorite music, and make sure it's loud.  Productivity, is another thing that usually makes me feel better.  Today for example, I wasn't feeling so hot, but I put on my overalls and did my makeup.  Now I've had some coffee and am enjoying the AC in a nice internet cafe.  I know it won't work for everyone and it won't always work for me, but trying is the main thing.
    You can do all that, but it won't make a difference unless you have someone to go to and talk.  I'm very fortunate to have a mother that believes in me more than I do myself.  She's gotten me through so much, and I'll never be able to repay her.  She's truly and amazing person.  Another person that I couldn't live without is my second oldest brother.  Literally, he's told me to call him whenever.  He's helped me in so many ways, I can't even explain.  Without them, I don't know where I'd be, or even if I'd be here.  They mean the world to me. So if you're going through something, please, please find someone, anyone that you can trust and talk to.  They can save you.  I wish that I could help every single person that is going through a rough time.  And I hope maybe if one person reads this and gets something out of it, then I've done what I wanted to do.
   I want to end this post with a link to a YouTube video that has helped me and made me feel a bit better.
  She also has some other videos that go along with what I've said so I'll link them here.

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