Looks Guys I Finished

    I went to a couple high school graduations this year, including my own.  I know this is going to sound cliche, but I really did think that my schools graduation was the best.  There were no speeches by the faculty, it was all students, signing, playing instruments, and speaking.  There were no caps and gowns, thank goodness I hear those things are really warm, instead we were all in white and each had a white rose pinned on.  I was lucky enough to have mine pinned on by my Latin teacher, one of the best people at the school, if you ask me.  I got to pick who I walked in with and who I was going to be sitting next to.  Unfortunately, I picked a walking partner who was over a foot taller then me so my family couldn't see me walking to my seat.  But I did get to walk with one of my best friends so my family's view of me walking wasn't a big deal.  We also had nice weather meaning that it was an outdoor ceremony, in a beautiful amphitheater.  I think that the ceremony was special because it really focused on us, plus it wasn't so long that you were bored to death by the end of it.  I'm really going to miss my high school, but I think this was a great way to end it all.  So as usual next comes the onslaught of pictures!

Jump?

    Have you ever really taken a risk?  I'm not talking about trying something new on a menu, which I suppose in it's own way is a risk, but something that really could change things.  I'd like to think in my life I've taken a couple of those types of risks.
     For starters I did have the gran opportunity to go away to boarding school when I was 14.  It's something I was scared about, but let me just tell you, every second of it was worth it, even the terrible seconds.  I firmly believe that I made some lifetime friends there and I was able to have friendships with teachers who helped me in many more ways outside of the subject they taught.  I got to live in a dorm, which had it's ups and downs, plenty of late nights, and bathrooms parties.  I actually almost punched a wall in my last dorm, like four times.  I would put this risk in the turned out well category.
    After I graduated in May, post to come, I decided at small town PA wasn't for me at the moment and decided to move in with my brother for the summer.  So I packed two bags and drove 9 hours to Grand Rapids, MI.  Beer City USA as some have called it.  This too I see as a risk, considering that finding summer employment for me has been basically impossible.  I was able to find some good volunteer work though, which is a plus.  It has also been a bit odd being around my brother for this long, we haven't really lived together in years, but I think it has been really good for us.  I think that he, and his girlfriend, have really helped me in many ways.  Being able to explore in a judgement free environment is nice, and a bit odd for me.  Even if I haven't been able to make much money, this was another risk that I would put it in the good category.  Don't worry Grand Rapids, I'll be back for Christmas.
    The next risk I'm going to be embarking on is another big one,  good ole college.  I will be moving far again, to a nice little town about 40 minutes outside of Boston.  It seems like I haven't been able to stay in one place for too long.  I'm not sure how this risk is going to end for me.  It's costing a great deal more then I was hoping for, and I worry that I won't fit in with the population there.  After all I'm a small town girl, who went to a Quaker school, and is learning to play the banjo.  What if I'm not challenged, or I don't get everything that I was hoping to out of the experience?  What if I hate my roommate, after my wonderful experience with my roommate this year I don't really want another roommate.  This is the risk that I think I'm the most worried about. I feel like I'm more worried about this then I was to leaving my house at 14.
    There are many risks I know I'll have to deal with in the future, aren't they what makes life interesting, albeit scary?  I think that a persons whole life is made up of risks that they have to handle.    Why shouldn't mine be any different?  After all don't you just sink or swim?

My Story: Concussions

   I've been in the concussion club; three times in the past year.  I thought it was important to talk about them.  Much of the concussion research has been more recent and has caused changes in many athletic programs so they are safer.  I thought I would share some of my experience with them, just so you all have some more information.
    A concussion has many effects besides what might be conventionally known.  Yes, I have headaches everyday still, even though I got my last concussion over a month ago.  I was out of school for three weeks, which has left me in a position where I'm very behind on my schoolwork.  It's going to be a very long process for me to be able to get up to speed with all of my classes, especially since I've decided to do the IB Diploma.  If my problems persist I may have to drop the diploma.  Because this was my third in a year, I'm no longer allowed to play sports.  As a senior I was looking forward to playing soccer for my school one last year.  That's no longer a possibility for me and it's something that disappoints me greatly.  The last consequence that may not be known to everyone is the emotional toll that concussions take on you.  This is something that I have had particular problems with.  Whenever I'm concussed I've noticed that my emotions are much less balanced then they normally are, as someone who already deals with anxiety, it causes many problems.  For instance, its much easier to make me cry now than it normally is.  I also get frustrated more.  This is because of the emotionally imbalance but also because of my feelings towards being concussed and not being able to work at my full capacity.
    A concussion never goes away.  It's a brain injury and those, in some amount, never go away.  Which means that I might be dealing with these problems for the rest of my life.  It's something that I'll just have to adjust to and live with, there's nothing I can do about it.
    However, the only good thing to come out of this was that it really showed me that people cared.  I got tweets and texts from my friends telling me they missed me and asking when I was coming back to school.  I got a care package from one of my dorm parents with notes from everyone from the dorm.  These things were really something that helped me get through some of the feelings of hurt that I wasn't  at school experiencing all the things I should have been.
     Overall, I just want this to be a warning to you all to try and be safe with what you do to yourself.  No one wants a concussion, they aren't pleasant at all.  If you play sports, just be as safe as you can, you can never prevent anything from happening but you can takes steps that help.  But I also just wanted you all to see more about what it's like, just to have some more information so that you have another point of view.
   Stay happy and healthy!!!      

When You're Feeling Low

     This isn't the easiest thing to do.  I try to be an open book and answer any questions that anyone asks me.  But there are somethings that I just don't feel comfortable with.  This is one of them. For the past couple of years I've been dealing with anxiety and depression.  And because of it I've done thing to myself that I'm not proud of.  I'm not going to try and skirt around it or sugar coat it, yes I have self-harmed.  If you're reading this now and thinking "Wow I bet she just wanted the attention" then either rethink things or leave, right now.  In no way was it done because of that.  In fact I did everything I could to not have people see it.  I'm not writing this for pity or for attention, I'm writing it because I want people to know what really happens and that there are things you can do, if you're struggling, to make it easier.
    I don't think there's something that's going to work for everyone.  I'm just going to tell you what helped me.  There are days when I don't want to get out of bed or talk to anyone.  I feel pretty much like crap.  Sometimes when I'm having on of those days all I do is cry. There are some days I feel great.  I don't really know when either is going to happen.  What really matter though, is what I do, and what you can do, when you're having one of the bad days.  First of all, just try and get ready.  When I stay in my PJs or in sweats, I end up feeling worse.  But when I put on some cute clothes and make my hair look as nice as it possibly can, I feel more confident.  With that confidence, I start feeling better.  Put on your favorite music, and make sure it's loud.  Productivity, is another thing that usually makes me feel better.  Today for example, I wasn't feeling so hot, but I put on my overalls and did my makeup.  Now I've had some coffee and am enjoying the AC in a nice internet cafe.  I know it won't work for everyone and it won't always work for me, but trying is the main thing.
    You can do all that, but it won't make a difference unless you have someone to go to and talk.  I'm very fortunate to have a mother that believes in me more than I do myself.  She's gotten me through so much, and I'll never be able to repay her.  She's truly and amazing person.  Another person that I couldn't live without is my second oldest brother.  Literally, he's told me to call him whenever.  He's helped me in so many ways, I can't even explain.  Without them, I don't know where I'd be, or even if I'd be here.  They mean the world to me. So if you're going through something, please, please find someone, anyone that you can trust and talk to.  They can save you.  I wish that I could help every single person that is going through a rough time.  And I hope maybe if one person reads this and gets something out of it, then I've done what I wanted to do.
   I want to end this post with a link to a YouTube video that has helped me and made me feel a bit better.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7-iNOFD27G4
  She also has some other videos that go along with what I've said so I'll link them here.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6TusEk5KUTA
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HG-WbtoAf2k

Travel Top Ten Pt. 2

   Last time I had brought up this subject I told you guys all about 5 of the places that I hope to travel to one day.  Well the title does say top ten and not top five so here are the another 5 places that I hope to be able to travel to one day.

     6) Germany:  As one of the places that I get my fabulous good looks (hahahahaha) from, I've always had a curiosity about Germany.  One of my best friends is from Germany and she makes it sound like such a beautiful place and I want to see it for myself.  Ya know, to compare the notes and see what it's really like.

   7)Cuba: Call me crazy, but I'm not backing down on this one.  I know it may seem very weird, but stay with me.  I know that the countries haven't had the best relationship but I don't think that it should be the reason that keeps people from going there and exploring.  I also think it would be a great opportunity to do service.  What could be better than going somewhere that we weren't even allowed in for many years?  They also still drive old cars which I think is pretty cool.

   8) South Africa: A place full of very intense history and natural beauty.  I sound like a travel brochure but I don't see those as bad reasons for wanting to go somewhere.  What's stopping besides money.  I also may have the opportunity to go there next year with my school, which would be incredible.  I just think it would be so cool.  Besides they have cool accents.

Now these last two are my top two and while some people might group them together I wanted to have them as two separate entities.

    9) Ireland: Yes, that's right, you've caught me.  I have this thing, where I would love to go there.  I think that the country is so beautiful and while I would definitely visit the cities I think I would prefer to stay in the countryside.  Somewhere that I could just take pictures to my hearts content and see everything I've always wanted to.  Also, since when I would go I would be of legal age there I wouldn't mind a good pint or two, just to add to the experience.  I just think it's a fascinating place.

10) England: Now do you see why the made the last two different?  I know some might just call it the UK and end it there, but in my mind they aren't.  Now very much unlike with Ireland I would probably spend most of my time in the city and then spend shorter periods out in the countryside.  No doubt both are amazing in their own way.  However, if I were to go I just think that's how my time there would pan out.  This is one of the more plausible trips for me.  My Mom has basically agreed that if I can make enough money this summer and throughout the next school year then I can go after I graduate for the summer.  This would be an amazing opportunity for me and if it were to happen I might just cry. Hope that wasn't too much.

      Well now that you know where I would like to go, what are some places that you would like to go to?

All Grown Up

     Not me.  Goodness no, I'm nowhere close to being grown-up and frankly it scares me too.  My second oldest brother however, is getting close to it.  he recently graduated from college.  So the family packed up and drove for 7 hours to sit in the sun for 3 hours.  This makes it seem horrific, but really it wasn't.  I loved it.  I went early with my oldest brother to save good seats, which yes was slight borey because we had to sit on opposite ends of the row texting each other because we couldn't actually speak to each-other, however, it was well worth it because we did get good seats.  I know I put up a post not too long ago about my high school's graduation so bear with me as a basically repeat everything I said then.  I'm so extremely proud of him.  He's worked so hard and has accomplished so much, and seeing him graduation (again) was amazing.  I can't really say how much it made me happy to be there with the rest of my family seeing this amazing moment in his life.  I told you this was going to be bad.  But without anymore blaber from me, because yes that does happen a lot, here are some pictures.

People say we look similar but we don't get it.

The most priceless face I've ever seen.

My brother's girlfriend.

Summertime Sadness

     Well, it's not exactly summertime for me yet.  I still have a week of classes and exams, but senior prom and graduation were this weekend.  This is means that my prefects and all my friends that were seniors are now gone and I'm almost a senior myself.  The people that left are the ones who have been here all three years I have and now they aren't here.  People graduate every year but these people were the ones that guided us the most.  I cried so much over the past weekend, and while it's sad to see them go, it's also something incredible.  I've worked so hard and now it's my turn to be on top so to speak.  But more importantly my prefect that I got closest with is gone, but she was fantastic and if she read this I know she would cry,  and even though she probably won't see this I want to thank her for everything she did for me.  She helped me embrace my weirdness and always had me laughing.  I wish all the graduates the best luck in everything that they do from here.

The first picture are of me and my prefect, the last two are of me and one of my friends.  We lived in the same dorm and had Bio together.  She's hilarious and I'll miss her, I'll miss them both, but I know that I'll see them relatively soon.  They've made it so far and will continue to be great people.

Birthday Fun!!!

What can I say? Birthday parties are awesome! It was my friend Abby’s birthday a couple of weeks ago so she had a sleepover with a bunch of people.  Let me just say there was a lot of food involved! I love food and so did everyone there, it was so much fun making our own pizzas and eating lots of ice cream.  We got to watch movies but mostly we were just weird and laughed a lot.  I had a great time and it was really nice being able to spend time with my friends and also some other people that I don’t normally talk to but we still had a great time. 

The Closer

     As summer is quickly winding down, it may not seem like it to you but for me it is.  I’ve been super busy with work and homework too.  I’ve done a lot this summer but sometimes it’s really hard.  Almost all of my friends are hours away and doing their won things and my friends at home aren’t available.  It’s been another summer without my peers/friends.  Although I love being able to sit back at home and relax, as well as making some money, I don’t get to spend anytime doing 16 year old stuff.  I had a great time on Beaver with my brother, and he is one of my best friends (don’t tell him that), I never went shopping or to the movies with any of my friends that live here.  But enough of me being boring.  With summer coming to a close I just got to thinking of the school year and the seasons ahead.  I love my school and while I don’t know what I’m going to do as an adult or where I’m going to college, it’s great to keep learning and growing.  That being said fall, winter, and spring are were it’s at in terms of seasons.  Summer’s just to warm for me and I like being able to wear jeans and layering more than I can now.  But anyway, how were you summers?  Hopefully ones that you’ll remember and love for a long time.

Oh the IVY

Princeton was the last college that we visited on our little tour.  I don’t think that I’ll be applying there.  New Jersey isn’t my favorite place (because of the climate and such) so it automatically had a strike against it.  I was very impressed with the buildings, so much grandeur and such.  The total number of students attending was a bit higher than I’m looking for in the perfect situation.  The academics are something I’m not so sure about.  People say that while Princeton is hard to get into, once your their it’s much easier.  The other thing I really didn’t like was the eating plans, the eating houses just sounded very weird to me and I don’t think that I would like to be in one, they sound to much like co-ed frats.  While I thought the buildings were beautiful one things I’m looking for that may sound weird is very nice grass, I like to be able to sit and lay on the grass and just sit of study or spend time with friends.  Princeton’s grass wasn’t that great.  Overall there was just something about the feel of the place the put me off.  It didn’t seem like a place that I could find a home in, which is one of if not the most important things about a school.  Other’s may love Princeton but personally it’s not my cup of tea. 

Swarthmore

     Hello out there.  I’m finally getting around to doing college posts.  This weekend I visited Swarthmore, which is a small school in eastern PA.  While I don’t want to stay in state I did like the school.  Our tour guide was really funny and made it sound like I could find a place for myself there.  The school has it’s roots in Quaker faith which is something that I’m both used to and I also like.  The atmosphere was one that is welcoming and I think that it’s really another place I’m going to apply to.  The campus was beautiful and I thought that the flowers were something I might like to see a lot.  The buildings were nice and the dorms seemed cool.  I felt a bed and it seemed nicer than the beds that I sleep on when I’m at school.  It’s been a couple days since I was there and I went to two more schools in the next day so it’s hard for me to explain everything.  But Swarthmore was defiantly better than I had expected it to be. :)

Almost Gone

     Today's my last full day on Beaver Island, tomorrow we have to be at the boat by 10 to get a ferry.  The last two weeks were awesome.  Last night we went to the island's music festival.  I've learned so much and I love how beautiful the island is.  I don't think I'm ready to leave yet but I guess it's time.  At the end of this week I go to more colleges so I might even put up style pictures of what I wear for my tours.  I'm mostly sad I think that my time with one of my brothers is almost over.  He's one of my best friends and has taught me so much.  But tonight is a night for celebration!  So I think I'll have some pictures of us eating and have ice cream, maybe some playing cards!  But for now I'll think about how much fun I had and showing you guys all the pictures I have.